Importance of a Safety Net
Ultimately YOU Are Responsible For YOUR Safety
I have to agree with the post about the fact that ultimately each and every one of us is responsible for our own safety.
The best safety net in the world is not going to "save" you if you do not pay attention to the very good points that XXXX (I think it was XXXX) listed in her post. I think to reject her points because she seems to be going against the "safety net" concept is doing a disservice to both her and the validity of her post.
Why is it an all or nothing thing here? I think that what the safety nets proponents are proposing is excellent.... and very needed. I have submitted myself as a name in the "net".
But I can't help but agree that each and every one of us (Doms included) should heed the advice given about taking care of ourselves.
Then we have a "perfect" solution... ourselves to rely on... and a wonderful safety net to back us up.
another post Cailin goes on to say:
As usual, you posted excellent information... and gave everyone very valid pointers.
I would like to take a moment to address this:
<<< That area of responsibility applies to all of us that are involved in this world, in my opinio n. That area of responsibility embraces the idea if you see someone suspending the laws of common sense don't shake your head and mutter. Grab them by the shoulders and say.... I love you as a friend and a partner in our world......we need to talk. let them know you care ...guide them to a safe first meeting.... offer ideas..... if they are out of control, tell them, dont let them make a potentially fatal error because you didn't want to risk their friendship.....>>>
I couldn't agree more. There have been a few times that I have "tested the boundaries of a friendship" by being blunt enough to say -- hey, wait a minute... stop here and think about this... not with your libido, but with your BRAIN.
The responses I have gotten back vary... some of the things I have heard are: "I don't understand why you don't want me to be happy" "I think you are jealous of the opportunity that I have here" "Why are you so negative?" "You know, Cailin, not every potential Dom is a serial killer" "I've talked to him online, via email, on the telephone... I know him... YOU don't... so stop worrying".
Have I strained my friendship with some over my "dour and pessimistic" outlook on this? Perhaps. But I would rather live with a strained friendship than with the knowledge that something could happen... and all I did was smile, nod, and say "How wonderful for you... that sounds so exciting."
and I personally don't find my outlook dour and pessimistic... I prefer to be thought of as a cautious realist :)
LOL... in case you can't tell by the number of times I have posted on this thread today... it is something that I believe in so strongly I can't shut myself up :)
We do not intend to scare you away from incidental or first contacts. On the contrary. However, it is wise to be careful with your first contacts. For a first contact the following guidelines are helpful and tested out many times by many people.
When you respond to a personal ad, or intend to meet somebody in person that you have met on the Net or through a phone chat box or dateline in person, make sure you know something about him or her. If you responded to a personal ad, try writing or phoning a couple of times first and use a post office box when corresponding. You don't want strange people ringing your doorbell unexpectedly.
The first time you actually meet, make an appointment in a public place like a restaurant and not at either one of your homes.
Regardless of where you meet, be sure to get pertinent information from him or her first: full name, address, phone number, (if in the US) social security number and driver's license number. If this sounds a bit drastic to your potential partner, s/he should understand that you do trust them and hope they trust you enough to provide this information. You cannot be too careful - even if you think s/he is the most wonderful person on earth, your safety should be uppermost in your mind.
Once you have this information, give it to a trusted friend (preferably someone who is aware of your lifestyle) as well as where you will be meeting and when you can be expected to return. This is not, as we've said, to scare anyone away from meeting someone met through the Internet or other "blind" services. It is to protect yourself from any problems which may (or may not) occur.
You might want to rethink meeting someone who is not willing to respect your desire to protect yourself by giving you this information upfront. By the way, be prepared that the one you are meeting may ask you the same questions.
The general advice is not to start active play the first time(s) you meet, but spend time talking and getting to know each other.
Blind erotic power exchange dates are intriguing but very risky.
Incidental contacts - on a party or group meeting - may be risky as well. Within a BDSM group you are usually safer because somebody will probably know the person you want to date, so you can ask around first. Do not hesitate to ask. BDSM people are used to these situations and will be happy to be of assistance.
If you have no chance to ask, observe before you go into anything.
And, if you planning to take part in active play on a party or group meeting, always make sure there is a dungeon master around.
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