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BDSM Safety

ssc logoD/s and BDSM mean different things to any two people in any given relationship. Relationships can be occaisional "play" or EPE (Erotic Power Exchange) to a 24/7 committed TPE (Total Power Exchange) relationship. The way people play can differ from occaisional light bondage to extreme edge play. There are no judgements to make, we can't make them for you.

BUT we can ask you to play safe, and always follow SSC (SAFE - free from hurt, injury, danger or risk. SANE - free from mental derangement; Having sound healthy mind. Having or showing reason, sound judgment or good sense. CONSENSUAL - Formed or existing merely by consent. Voluntary action between two) practices.

In the D/s Lifestyle section we have posted several essays that deal with safety issues. Here we are providing links to more. Sometimes the link will point to a whole site, and sometimes just an essay, or at times an entire FAQ on a subject. We leave this entirely up to you, and how far you wish to read.

Only YOU are responsible for your own safety. It is what you and your partner choose to do through negotiation that ensures that safety. Safety awareness is not meant to scare, but to educate. A kind of refresher course in "Common Sense 101". The first step often is to learn to pay attention to those "red flags" that trigger our inner voices. And once safety becomes second nature, we can all get on to the more important things. Play Safe and Enjoy!

Special note to survivors: Please make sure that "support" is available to you before venturing to any abuse/support websites!

Essays reprinted on this site.

With permission we have reprinted several excellent essays on safety within a BDSM relationship, from first meetings to an ongoing 24/7 relationship. This is what we feel you all must know. It is my opinion that every one of these essays is a MUST read. It doesn't take that long, and you may be helping someone by doing so.

Discussion with Tanonymous
BDSM and its relationship to self esteem

Tammad Ramillia
Safe, Sane and Consensual

TheScreamer
Online/Offline BDSM Safety

Discussion with slavetoy
The Importance of a Safeword

Various Members of MDOM
The Importance of a Safety Net

pleasure(at)netcom(dot)com
How to use a safety net - Guidlines

POWERotics
Abuse vs Erotic Power Exchange

^sparrow
Making the Leap From IRC to Real Life

Specific Sections and Essays on a Site

As a general rule we would not normally point you to a specific essay, but to the main page. This page is a bit different because we don't want to waste time. However, we recommend you stay and visit the entire site. Appologies to the webmasters.

S&M: A Players Handbook - Tanonymous
We are proud to have this handbook on our website.
You will find sections on
How To Meet A Partner, A BDSM Glossary, How To Play Safely, and so
much more is covered in many sections.

Meeting Someone From Online Safely
The ultimate goal for many online is to meet that perfect partner. This gives
you a step by step checklist on what one needs to do when entering that first
RL meeting.

Submissive BDSM Play Partner Checklist - by Tammad Ramillia
This test is an excellent way to match compatabilities. It is very important to
know up front what you and your partner desire in a BDSM relationship,
and especially if this a "play partner".


Cold's Story - True story by Cold as Ice1
A true story of a woman who started to explore her submissive side online
and to what depths this took her too. This is not meant to scare, only to make
you aware of what could happen.

D/s Safety - More on Safe Calls
What is a "safe call"? What is the importance of having one, two or three? This
takes you through the steps, whether you are making one or you are the call.


Websites With Large Safety Sections

While all D/s and BDSM sites deal with safety issues, others go more into depth. These are the ones we will point to first. In time more will be added. It is also important to add that this section is for the Dominant as well as the submissive. No matter how experienced you are, you can never know enough. But that is the fun side of D/s and BDSM, one is ALWAYS learning.


Submissive Women Kvetch - Jay Weisman

D/s Help and Info Pack

Different Loving Home Page

KAP - Kink Aware Professionals - National Coalition For Sexual Freedom


Know the Facts/FAQS


Whether your interest is general or you have a specific question, it is always best to check the FAQS (Frequently Asked Questions). FAQS are generally put together from information gathered over time from specific newsgroups. Chances are if you have a question it has been answered in one of the FAQS.

The Deviant's Dictionary - BDSM Terminology

FAQ soc.subculture.bondage-bdsm

FAQ Bullwhips

*Links or essays to add are sent to: submission

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