Submissive BDSM Play Partner Check List
by Tammad Rimilia

This checklist should be filled out by a Sub and provided to their Dom/Top before playing with them. This will provide a quick "head-start" to identifying limits, negotiating and finding common ground for play. Dominants may wish to work through the checklist, to get a better handle on their specific interests. Switches should go through the checklist twice; one persons Dom and Sub interests may be very different.

For each item, you need to provide two answers:

* For experience, write YES or NO next to each item to indicate if you have ever DONE that activity. Mark N/A if it does not apply to your gender.

* For willingness, indicate for each item how you feel about DOING that activity by rating it on a scale of NO or 0 to 5.

o "?" means you don't understand what the item is attempting to describe.
o NO means you will NOT do that item under any circumstances (a hard limit).
o 0 (zero) indicates you have utterly no desire to do that activity and don't like doing it (in fact, may loath it) and would ordinarily object to doing it, but you would permit the Dominant to do it if it they really wanted it. (sometimes called a "soft limit").
o 1 means you don't want to do or like to do this activity, but wouldn't object if it was asked of you.
o 2 means you are willing to do this activity, but it has no special appeal for you.
o 3 means you usually like doing this activity, at least on an irregular/ occasional basis.
o 4 means you like doing this activity, and would like to experience it on a regular basis.
o 5 means the activity is a wild turn-on for you, and you would like it as often as possible.

* Mark with an asterisk (*) those items which you are willing to do only with your current sex partner(s), but not with casual play-partners.

* Note any additional information or nuances which might be important for your Dom to know in the margin to the right. For example under diapers you might wish to distinguish between "wetting" and "soiling".

There is intentionally some overlap between categories. Unless otherwise stated, the Sub is the recipient/target of the activity.

Type of BDSM Activity
NO or 0-5
Notes &

1. Abrasion

2. Age play

3. Anal sex

4. Anal plugs (small)

5. Anal plugs (large)

6. Anal plug (public, under clothes)

7. Animal roles

8. Arm & leg sleeves (armbinders)

9. Aromas

10. Asphyxiation

11. Auctioned for charity

12. Ball stretching

13. Bathroom use control

14. Beastiality

15. Beating (soft)

16. Beating (hard)

17. Blindfolds

18. Being serviced (sexual)

19. Being bitten< /font>

20. Breast/chest bondage

21. Breath control

22. Branding

23. Boot worship

24. Bondage (light)

25. Bondage (heavy)

26. Bondage (multi-day)

27. Bondage (public, under clothing) :

28. Breast whipping

29. Brown showers (scat)

30. Cages (locked inside of)

31. Caning

32. Castration fantasy

33. Catheterization

34. Cattle prod (electrical toy)

35. Cells/Closets (locked inside of)

36. Chains

37. Chamber-pot use

38. Chastity belts

39. Chauffeuring

40. Choking

41. Chores (domestic service)

42. Clothespins

43. Cock rings/straps

44. Cock worship

45. Collars (worn in private)

46. Collars (worn in public)

47. Competitions (with other Subs)

48. Corsets (wearing casually)

49. Corsets (trained waist reduction)

50. Cuffs (leather)

51. Cuffs (metal)

52. Cutting

53. Diapers (wearing)

54. Diapers (wetting)

55. Diapers (soiling)

56. Dilation

57. Dildoes

58. Double penetration

59. Electricity

60. Enemas (for cleansing)

61. Eenmas (retention/punishment)

62. Enforced chastity

63. Erotic dance (for audience)

64. Examinations (physical)

65. Exercise (forced/required)

66. Exhibitionism (friends)

67. Exhibitionism (strangers)

68. Eye contact restrictions

69. Face slapping

70. Fantasy abandonment

71. Fantasy rape

72. Fantasy gang-rape

73. Fear (being scared)

74. Fisting (anal)

75. Fisting (vaginal)

76. Flame play

77. Following orders

78. Foot worship

79. Forced bedwetting

80. Forced dressing

81. Forced eating

82. Forced homosexuality

83. Forced heterosexuality

84. Forced masturbation

85. Forced nudity (private)

86. Forced nudity (around others)

87. Forced servitude

88. Forced smoking

89. Full head hoods

90. Gags (cloth)

91. Gags (inflatible)

92. Gags (phallic)

93. Gags (rubber)

94. Gags (tape)

95. Gas masks

96. Gates of Hell (male)

97. Genital sex

98. Given away to another Dom (temp)

99. Given away to another Dom (perm)

100. Golden showers

101. Gun play

102. Hairbrush spankings

103. Hair pulling

104. Hand jobs (giving)

105. Hand jobs (receiving)

106. Harems (serving w/other subs)

107. Harnessing (leather)

108. Harnessing (rope)

109. Having food chosen for you

110. Having clothing chosen for you

111. Head (give fellatio/cunnilingus)

112. Head (rcv fellatio/cunnilingus)

113. High heel wearing

114. High heel worship

115. Homage with tongue (non-sexual)

116. Hoods

117. Hot oils (on genitals)

118. Hot waxing

119. Housework (doing)

120. Human puppy dog

121. Humiliation (private)

122. Humiliation (public)

123. Hypnotism

124. Ice cubes

125. Immobilization

126. Infantilism

127. Initiation rites

128. Injections

129. Intricate (Japanese) rope bondage

130. Interrogations

131. Kidnapping

132. Kneeling

133. Knife play

134. Leather clothing

135. Leather restraints

136. Lectures for misbehavior

137. Licking (non-sexual)

138. Lingerie (wearing)

139. Manacles & Irons

140. Manicures (giving)

141. Massage (giving)

142. Massage (receiving)

143. Medical scenes

144. Modeling for erotic photos

145. Mouth bits

146. Mummification

147. Name change (for scene)

148. Name change (legal, permanant)

149. Nipple clamps

150. Nipple rings (piercings)

151. Nipple weights

152. Oral/anal play (rimming)

153. Over-the-knee spanking

154. Orgasm denial

155. Orgasm control

156. Outdoor scenes

157. Outdoor sex

158. Pain (severe)

159. Pain (mild)

160. Persona training (in scene)

161. Personality modification (RL)

162. Phone sex (serving Dom)

163. Phone sex (serving Dom's friends)

164. Phone sex (commercial provider)

165. Piercing (temporary, play-pierce)

166. Piercing (permanent)

167. Plastic surgery

168. Prison scenes

169. Prostitution (public pretense)

170. Prostitution (actual)

171. Pony slave

172. Public exposure

173. Punishment Scene

174. Pussy/cock whipping

175. Pussy worship

176. Riding crops

177. Riding the "horse" (crotch tort.)

178. Rituals

179. Religious scenes

180. Restrictive rules on behavior

181. Rubber/latex clothing

182. Rope body harness

183. Saran wrapping

184. Scarification

185. Scratching - getting

186. Scratching - giving

187. Sensory deprivation

188. Serving

189. Serving as art

190. Serving as ashtray

191. Serving as furniture

192. Serving as a maid

193. Serving as toilet (urine)

194. Serving as toilet (feces)

195. Serving as waitress/ waiter

196. Serving orally (sexual)

197. Serving other doms (supervised)

198. Serving other doms (unsupervised)

199. Sexual deprivation (short term)

200. Sexual deprivation (long term)

201. Shaving (body hair)

202. Shaving (head hair)

203. Skinny-dipping

204. Sleep deprivation

205. Sleepsacks

206. Slutty clothing (private)

207. Slutty clothing (public)

208. Spandex clothing

209. Spanking

210. Speech restrictions (when, what)

211. Speculums (Anal)

212. Speculums (vaginal)

213. Spitting

214. Spreader bars

215. Standing in corner

216. Stocks

217. Straight jackets

218. Strap-on-dildos (sucking on)

219. Strap-on-dildos (penetrated by)

220. Strap-on-dildos (wearing)

221. Strapping (full body beating)

222. Suspension (upright)

223. Suspension (inverted)

224. Suspension (horizontal)

225. Supplying new partners for Dom

226. Swallowing feces

227. Swallowing semen

228. Swallowing urine

229. Swapping (with one other couple)

230. Swinging (multiple couples)

231. Tampon Training (in ass)

232. Tattooing

233. Teasing

234. TENS Unit (electrical toy)

235. Thumbcuffs (metal)

236. Tickling

237. Triple penetration

238. Urethral Sounds (metal rods)

239. Uniforms

240. Including others

241. Vaginal dildo

242. Verbal humiliation

243. Vibrator on genitals

244. Violet Wand (electricial toy)

245. Voyeurism (watching others)

246. Voyeurism (your Dom w/others)

247. Video (watching others)

248. Video (recordings of you)

249. Water torture

250. Waxing (hair removal)

251. Wearing symbolic jewelery

252. Weight gain (forced)

253. Weight loss (forced)

254. Whipping

255. Wooden paddles

256. Wrestling












Willingness quick-key:

? Don't understand this item.
* I will do with current sex partner only.
NO I WILL NOT DO that item under ANY circumstances (a hard limit).
0 No desire, don't like, will permit if special to Dom (a soft limit).
1 Don't want to do, but will.
2 Willing to do, but has no special appeal.
3 Usually LIKE doing, on an irregular/ occasional basis.
4 LIKE doing, would like it on a regular basis.
5 WILD TURN-ON, would like it as often as possible.

Note from Tammad Ramillia

I started with a much smaller checklist which I found at the marvelous SFPSE site at The University of Washington, specifically , and then expanded. I hope you find this enlarged version useful. I'm delighted that SFPSE has accepted back my contribution of my enlarged version, so this is now the "standard" one. A little detective-work turned up that the original checklist was written by "JillM"; I am indebted to her for originating this useful resource.

A special thanks to those people who have written to suggest something I hadn't thought of; the checklist is better for their contributions! Most prefer to remain anonymous, but I'd like to acknowledge Mistress Kim from Iron Rose, and Lee.

I have placed this document into the public domain, distribution unlimited. Please feel free to share it with friends, mailing lists, etc. The master copy can be found at in the over21 section. Select "bondage" followed by "bondage how-to".

Related Sites:

The Deviant's Dictionary

The Bondage/Dominace/Sadism/Masochism Purity Test

The 200 Question BDSM Purity Test (includes cyber)

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