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Beginning BDSM Lifestylers Resources

We were all new at one time. As a matter of fact we are all still learning. The quickest way to becoming a "bdsm wannabe" is to think you know everything.

There are as many types of BDSM as there are folks doing it. About the only thing we all have in common is that we are all into "non-mainstream" kinky sex. And even then, it is different for all of us. The importance here is to be open, be aware that while everything may not be for you, it may be right for others. While we can definitely agree on some techniques used (good canes leave welts, cheap canes can splinter, a dominant needs to have an alternative escape plan for his submissive when playing with bondage, etc.), we can't agree on what BDSM means as a whole, That is up to you.

This section is meant to be a guide and not the end all. We chose the content that we did for its openess, common sense, and good advice.

SM: A Players Handbook
This handbook by Tanonymous for both the novice and advanced scene player. Lots of situations are covered.

Essays and Thoughts About WIITWD

Tanonymous has been involved in the B&D, SM and D/s lifestyle for many years. She has given back to the community through her writing. Her advice comes from experience, and is sound and full of common sense. Many different topics for your exploration.

Beginners Guide to Dominance and Submission

This is a wonderful guide for beginning your journey into alternative lifestyles.

Meeting Others In The BDSM Scene

So you are ready to meet a partner. Take a few minutes to read advice on attending munches, scene events, and how to use online personals.

Ways to communicate.
#submission chatroom

Our Yahoo Egroups
All Lifestylers

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Submissives Only

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bdsm lifestyle essays
Many wonderful essays have been contributed to this site over the years. Please take some time here. The ones below are for those who are new.


So You Want to be a Slave:
The Realities

What Do Doms Fear?

Safe, Sane, Consensual

Official NBCA Dictionary

BDSM Health and Safety

Discussions have had a long history here. Read the logs and see what is coming up,

One Dominants Journey

Submissive NOT Stupid

BDSM and its Relationship
to Self Esteem

Making the Leap
from IRC to Real Life

Upcoming Discussions

bdsm links
A great collection of resource links we have accumulated over the years.

Ds Safety Links

"Submissive Women Kvetch"

Different Loving Home Pages

The Deviant's Dictionary
submission book store
There's an extensive list of books here. BDSM resources to lead you on your journey. BDSM erotica, and scene music. The ones listed below we have chosen for those new to the lifestyle.

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discussion log
The Loving Dominant by John Warren
A very comprehensive, accessible and well-written introduction to the scene for the novice, or any curious layperson, whether dominant or submissive in nature, or a little of both. I recommend The Loving Dominant highly to anyone wanting some down-to-earth information, from the curious acolyte to the not-quite-jaded adept.
Discussion Log

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discussion log
Screw the Roses, Send Me the Thorns : The Romance and Sexual Sorcery of Sadomasochism by Philip Miller, Molly Devon
The Romance and Sexual Sorcery of Sadomasochism: One of the better instructional/overview S/M books written. Lots of technical info (with illustrations and photos) on bondage, leather, knot tying, whipping, spanking, promises and pitfalls of dominant-submissive relationships, and the real life S/M scene.
Discussion Log

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discussion log
Different Loving : The World of Sexual Dominance and Submission by Gloria G. Brame, William D. Brame, Jon Jacobs
An Exploration of the World of Sexual Dominance and Submission, includes discussions, descriptions, and interviews designed to illuminate the actual practice of various types of kinky sex, with an emphasis on S&M/B&D, as the subtitle suggests. This book has been extensively discussed on various electronic forums.
Discussion Log

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SM 101: A Realistic Introduction by Jay Wiseman
The highly regarded, comprehensive introduction to consensual BDSM -- bondage, giving and receiving pain, role-playing, negotiation, finding partners, and more. This edition is updated and expanded, including a chapter on "SM Organizations," sections on lifestyle relationships, SM and pregnancy, and more, plus illustrations of key points.

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Sensuous Magic 2nd Edition: A Guide for Adventurous Couples by Pat Califia
Califia focuses here on the positive aspects of S/M working to dispel the "negative and oppressive mythology built up around S/M". Califia discusses the elements of a sucessful S/M experience, and illuminates some of the terminology and techniques of S/M in the effort to demystify the motivations and realities behind this "misunderstood behavior".

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The Bottoming Book : How to Get Terrible Things Done to You by Wonderful People by Dossie Easton
This is the first book to address the S/M scene from the submissive perspective. Topics include: Getting What You Want (and lots of it) Connecting, Negotiation, Scenes and Roles, Towards a New Definition of Bottoming. A positive look at the submissive role.

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The Topping Book by Dossie Easton, Catherine A. Liszt
The Hows and Whys of the dominant role, written by two experienced players. Sections include" What do Tops Do!, How Do You Learn, S/M Ethics, Wild Scenes We Have Known, If It Doesn't Go The Way You Planned, Where Are All The Bottoms, and Shadow Play.